Processing thoughts

Well, last week I finally got my application in for a residency permit (Carte de Sejour), here in Morocco. I was a week filled with running back and forth trying to catch up with the Gendarmerie Royale (officer) was the toughest part. We finally did on Thursday. Luckily we had retaken… again, for the 3rd time, the photos I needed… to get the right 4×4 size. Unfortunately, we needed to have my lease rewritten, which we did straight away. After, we made sure to bring him back all the proper papers and he told us he would call once everything was completed. He also said they would extend my visa if the paperwork took longer to process, but he felt that I had enough time.

I have also been preoccupied with tying to finish up the continuing education units I need to renew my massage license in August. Yep, on top of everything else I’m a Licensed Massage Therapist. Non-practicing but, still… Its something I am not ready to let go of. I may decide to use it one day and it wasn’t easy to acquire. I just happened to get sucked back into the restaurant business just as I graduated and passed my state boards. Now, I’m here in Morocco and don’t really plan on giving massage. I’m thinking I may use it if we move back to the US. Although, part of the reason I don’t practice is because its very hard on my body, especially my back. Massage is a transfer of energy and if I’m in pain while giving a massage, I don’t think I can be effective. Hopefully after this Moroccan break and healing time, my body will be prepared for anything! I do enjoy massage and the satisfaction of helping people heal. I know I have been able to help people in the past and it is a great feeling…

Part of the reason I decided to take the time to write today is because I’m trying to process a few things. I was offered the use of my best friends frequent flyer miles to come home this summer… to visit and to spend time with her, as we do every summer. Which, by the way, is an amazing offer and I lover her for it. I am just being so non-committal about it all. To be honest, there are other options I am being non-committal about, too. One, of course is to just stay here and save money. This is appealing because we talk of moving back to the US, quite possibly this time next year. If this is what unfolds, we will need as much money as we can save. Moving back to the US is a major expense. I have to admit, though, not taking a break from my monotonous days here may just kill me. The goal is to be the best me I can be… and a bored me can be somewhat of an asshole. So, for my own sanity, I think I would need to at least take short trips and discover more of Morocco. The other option is Bali. This is something that we have talked about doing since before I came to Morocco. (I never expected to go home this summer, when I came here in October) The flights aren’t cheap, they cost as much as a ticket to the US. So, once again, they money is holding me back. Honestly, if we leave here next year I doubt we will ever go to Bali. Life in the US will suck up all our resources. A trip like that may take years to make. Maybe this is the choice I should make. You only live once and tomorrow is never promised… so why not? My family and friends aren’t going anywhere… at least I hope not. I do struggle with that somewhat. I do want to see my Aunt and cousin that I haven’t seen in almost 25 years. That’s the other thing, everyone is spread out all over the state. It’s novel to think I can pick one place and stay there and everyone will flock to me. Fat chance. Everyone has their life and it will be business as usual for them. So, you see, I am in a place of confusion. If money was not an issue, I would go to Bali. It’s what I want to do. I do want to see my people but, if I’m going back to the US I will have plenty of time with all of them. I can’t be a doomsday prepper and live for everyone else. I know that everyone at home wants to see me, as I do them. I have to do whats right for me, though… What do I want? WHAT do I want? What DO I want? WHAT DO I WANT? I want money to not be an issue in my life. I want my friends and family to be healthy and happy so I don’t have to worry about “what-if’s”.  I want to be happy and healthy myself. I want to travel. I want to see things and experience things I have never done before. So, maybe there is my answer… Bali?

Well, I guess it’s time to get back to writing my book. It is my current hope for a bit of income. I watched Gregory Scott and his daily tarot reading this morning. He basically said today I needed to get back to writing my book because it will help me in the future. Watch the video, maybe it will click with you and spur you, too. I will also try to post a recipe today. Oh, and thanks for “listening”… xo