It has been just over 2 weeks since I turned in my residency application. It turns out I’m waiting for a paper from Agadir. The officer here processes the paperwork, then it goes to Agadir where they process all the applications for the region. Than is probably a good one hour radius around Agadir. We were told it could take up to 3 months to get my actual ID card but the paper from Agadir should come much sooner. We were told to look for it this past week and it hasn’t made it back to Taghazout, yet. Sigh….

So, I wait. This has put an end to thoughts about travelling home, at least until my paper or ID come through. I’m not sure what the paper will say, I think it will be something to use until the actual ID is made. Without the ID, I risk having to buy 3 plane tickets, a round trip ticket from Morocco and a one way ticket back to the US within 3 months. When I came here my return ticket was for 6 months from my arrival date. The people at the airlines said I needed to pay to have my return ticket changed to a date within 3 months, for visa reasons. I explained that I would be applying for residency and planned to go to Spain from Morocco, via the ferry from Tangier. After paying $1500.00 for a round trip ticket I knew I wasnt going to use, I wan not really interested in spending another $200.00 to have the flight changed. The supervisor at the check in desk gave me a paper with a return flight and said I had until the first of the year to pay for the change fee. This is why I am afraid to fly back to the US without the residency card. Plus, my passport has not been stamped and my visa extension has expired. This in and of itself, quite possibly, opens a whole other can of worms.

I have been assured by the police here that I am fine, I don’t have to leave, and they are responsible for all my paperwork. This is all fine and well but, leaving for a visit at this point doesn’t seem like a good idea. This is why I wait…

Its kind of a bummer because, even though I wasn’t all gung-ho about flying home during Ramadan, the monotony of my days here is starting to get to me. It would have been a nice change of pace for me, if I had decided to do it. Maybe the realization that I no longer have a choice, is making my desire grow. We all want what we can’t have, but I really do need some stimulation.FullSizeRender

As an artist, it is hard to create… or write without it. I am working on the book, I’m actually in the process of writing the final chapters. Finding the motivation or, the words is getting tougher right now. I have the drive but the words are hard to find most days. I also want to work on learning Darija. I put it down but, know I need to pick it up again in order to make my life here easier. I feel like Im in that phase where you have a to do list with so many time-consuming things on it and you avoid doing any of it. Im not one to procrastinate but, I think I need something to stimulate my mind and desire to get these things done. I have no one to give me the motovation or to simulate my creativity, I have to find it within myself and that’s hard for me right now. I feel like Im burnt out on the same old same old.

Besides all of that, I’m trying to reprogram my brain to see things differently, to be more positive. I am trying to not live in my subconscious mind or, at least change the programming of it. I know I have some deep-seated issues buried in my subconscious. I am trying to not allow those painful memories affect my daily life. I don’t want to allow those thing to cloud all the good that I have in my life. I dont know, maybe I am trying to do too much at once… but without these things to focus on everyday, I would have nothing to occupy myself with. I am here to heal myslef. I am also on a mission to generate an income from anywhere I decide to be. I am working toward both of these things, some days more than others but, everyday nonetheless. Maybe I just need a break. Maybe a local trip somewhere in Morocco is in order. I will have to discuss this with my Moroccan man and have him arrange some time off.

Maybe Bali can happen in August. I should have my ID by then… or maybe a visit home in the fall. I’m 2 weeks in with 10 weeks to go… hopefully that ID comes sooner than later. I also hope that paper from Agadir shows up this week. Until then, I wait…xo